Shedding 2025

and becoming the writer I need to be.

Hello, you.

I am rearing my head from the coiling mess of All That Was. Pink-fleshed. Tender. Reborn. The strongest and softest I have ever been—a paradox I navigate daily, now.

I moved in with my parents during those dream-like days between Christmas and New Years. Said goodbye to my first real home with my first real love and closed the door on another chapter of our lives. Everything has changed. Growing pains, we say. Things feel crooked and fluid; it’s hard to tell if I’m going to snap or bend. In truth, I think the former has already happened and the latter is underway. Wasn’t 2025 just awful?

Yes (!!!), and no.

There was enough poetry to see me through.

I’m not interested in updates and explanations anymore—providing or reading them, that is. What else is there to say except that I followed my path and it led me Here? And Here is exactly where and when you and I are meant to be: encountering each other as our separate paths converge again for another beautiful moment. This is how it must be. I have stories to tell you because I found presence in silence and solitude. I have art to share because I have lived¹. I am becoming the writer I need to be².

I came across the above video and poem a few months ago, and have returned to them many times since.

Where, and what, have you been?

Shedding

Before—all of it / hyper-independence / yesterday’s dead skin / tall poppy syndrome / un(der)paid labour / the arts’ scarcity fetish / external validation / approval / running (from) / running (to) / algorithms / paranoia / bone-deep fatigue / all-nighters (single / multiple) / god damn mind games / mirtazapine / ego / defensiveness / PERFECTOIN / see previous / no I really fucking mean it / all the clothes that never fit / desperation / insecurity / ignoring my body / anti intellectualism / doom scrolling / procrastination / cop outs / “should” / fear of retaliation / repression / pavement / keeping score / stage fright / self-sacrifice / limiting beliefs / rot and resignation / control.

Embracing

Radical love / self-respect / seasonal shifts / a snail’s pace / oceanic waves / refusal / calling it what it fucking is / desire / dirt / moss / tracing patterns / failing faster / deep sleep / rest / mindful engagement / nurturing, unconditionally / walks / stretching / every little scar / vulnerability / lamps and candles / unwavering passion / assertiveness / curiosity and obsession / adorning (ardently) / foreign cinema / sentimental value / hard conversations with people I love / open conversations with people I don’t know / self care as political resistance / revolution / sensuality, pleasure / natural curls / salt water / escaping down south / puppy cuddles / lemon myrtle chocolate / live music / time with friends / my circadian rhythm / ice cold water / fireplaces / courage / soft, gentle things / textured paper / blood-red ink / the unknown / acceptance / art as a way of life / intuition / listening / asking more questions / letting the ache, ache / compassion (always) / stubborn ambition / trying! / imagination / delusion / RAGE / hope (verb) / Here.

1. “In going where you have to go, and doing what you have to do, and seeing what you have to see, you dull and blunt the instrument you write with. But I would rather have it bent and dulled and know I had to put it on the grindstone again and hammer it into shape and put a whetstone to it, and know that I had something to write about, than to have it bright and shining and nothing to say, or smooth and well oiled in the closet, but unused.” — Ernest Hemingway, The First Forty Nine Stories, 1946.

2. “In order to write the book you want to write, in the end you have to become the person you need to become to write that book.” ― Junot Diaz